I always thought my life would be different at this point when I was tiny and in tune with what I was told I should be. I had a definite plan of what I felt I needed, where I wanted to go, who I was searching to be with, and what I felt I needed to accomplish.
Now when I look back and see how many of my "plans" have fallen though, I sometimes find myself being really angry and upset because I can't understand how things haven't panned out when I felt so prepared for them to.
It is impossible for me to validate actions of several people who had no right to take my dreams from me, or change my life and bring me to feel ways I would never wish on anyone. It is also unfair for me to think that I am so important, or that my feelings should have been more important, or that I am/was more special than the path they chose.
I remember being a dreamer at several points of my life. Feeling the strength of someone 4 times my size and being able to get though anything; Knowing what I wanted and holding onto it for dear life. I would no longer consider myself a dreamer, but a realist. Sure I wish for things, and find myself, at times, wanting things which cannot be bought, forced, or found. I put restrictions on everything that requires an emotional commitment on my end, and I haven't found what I'm looking for, yet. And I'm completely terrified if I ever do.
However, not all is lost.
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